Hi there! I’m Taylor Wolfram, a vegan registered dietitian and parent. Karla and I are friends and colleagues and had the fun idea to swap guest blog posts!
While Karla is the queen of vegan kids nutrition, I specialize in helping folks heal their relationship with food and body. I also created the Anti-Diet Vegan Nutrition Online Course, a diet-culture-free space for folks to learn credible information and practical strategies for meeting their nutrient needs as a vegan.
Most of my nutrition counseling clients are adults who have spent many years feeling that their bodies are a problem and that they need to use strict and oftentimes disordered eating habits as a means to “fix” their bodies.
If you’ve been there, or are currently in the midst of that struggle, you’re not alone. Body image issues are extremely common. And not just among women, but among men, teens, and unfortunately, even young kids.
Negative body image is something many of us struggle with, and adults aren’t the only ones. Kids of all ages have to contend with societal pressures, unsolicited comments and their own insecurities about their size, shape and appearance.
No matter your relationship with your body, I’ll bet you want to help your kids have a healthy relationship with theirs.
While parents and caregivers can’t control kids’ body image, we can certainly help them build a healthy relationship with their bodies and cultivate resilience to unrealistic body standards.
Unfortunately kids seem to be struggling with body image more than ever. Negative body image has been linked with anxiety, depression and eating disorders in kids. Helping kids foster a positive body image is just one part of supporting their overall wellbeing.
What is Body Image?
First things first, let’s explore what body image even is. It’s actually more difficult to define than you may think. It’s not as simple as “how you believe you look.” Body image is complex and is the result of our thoughts, emotions and physical experiences.
As such, body image can vary drastically, and change very rapidly, even when our bodies don’t change that much.
We also know that when our nervous systems are dysregulated, we’re more likely to have a distorted body image. That’s because when we’re dysregulated, the main part of our brains responsible for body image is flooded and not functioning properly.
In our modern world, we may be dysregulated quite often, creating all sorts of cognitive distortions.
Combine this with the unrelenting pressures to measure up to impossible standards of beauty, thinness, gender norms and more… and we’ve got ourselves an epidemic of negative body image.
There is much more to body image than this brief overview. In fact, I’ve taken an entire course on it and became certified to teach an 8-week program on it! The main takeaway here is that it’s complicated and multifaceted. There isn’t just one variable impacting body image.
What is Positive Body Image?
Positive body image is characterized by self-acceptance, embodiment and self-compassion.
Positive body image isn’t having a positive opinion of our appearance. The goal isn’t to think we look good all the time, it’s to move away from an external focus to an internal focus.
Rather than trying to love the way we look, we direct our energy toward resisting the objectification of bodies and thinking less about how they look.
We want kids to value much more about themselves than how they look. We want them to remain embodied and preserve their internal wisdom and trust with their bodies. (I say the words “remain” and “preserve” because most of us are born this way, we’re just conditioned out of it).
We want our kids to show up for themselves with curiosity and compassion rather than criticism and shame.
9 Ways to Foster Positive Body Image in Kids
This collection of body image strategies is by no means comprehensive.
I created this list based on my education, training and experience.
You know your kids best! If you need the support of a psychotherapist, registered dietitian or other professional for personalized guidance, there is no shame in that.
Let go of Perfectionism
First, take a deep breath. You don’t have to do this perfectly. And you don’t have to have a fully healed relationship with your own body in order to help foster a positive body image in your kids.
Accept that you don't have full control over your kids’ body image. Peers, family, friends, caregivers, healthcare providers, teachers, media and the culture at large will all impact your kids’ body image.
Provide Consistent Co-Regulation and Model Self-Regulation
Because body image is so significantly impacted by our nervous system states, it’s imperative that we lay this crucial foundation of providing adequate co-regulation for our kids, as well as modeling our own nervous system and emotional regulation.
We can’t expect kids to fully self-regulate; it’s important that they have dependable caregivers who can stay calm, show them they’re not afraid of their feelings, and remain compassionate even when emotions are tough.
This helps kids build their windows of tolerance for difficult moments and feelings, as well as their own self-regulation skills for years to come.
This often likely has nothing to do with body image in the moment, but it will most certainly impact their body image.
Cultivate Relentless Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is what we want our kids to use when they’re struggling, rather than judgment or avoidance.
Self-compassion is a powerful force in healing one’s relationship with food and body, and greater self-compassion is associated with greater embodiment and a more positive body image.
Along with regulation skills, this is important for parents and caregivers to model.
Can you show up for yourself with acceptance and compassion, even when you screw up? Treat yourself how you want your kids to treat themselves. Remember, they are paying attention.
Talk the Talk
Check any judgmental comments you may make about bodies. Your kids are listening. Even if the comment isn’t directed toward them, they pick up on the comments you make about yourself and other people.
Kids are incredibly perceptive and will detect your opinions about bodies which in turn impacts their opinions about bodies.
Refrain from judging the size, shape and appearance of others, especially around kids. The same goes for critical comments about food.
Many of my clients recall their earliest memories of body image related to their parents comments on their own bodies, their parents dieting and/or their parents rigid exercise routines. They received the message early on that bodies are supposed to look a certain way and you need to diet or obsessively exercise in order to change them.
If you struggle with your relationship with food, body or exercise, it’s a good idea to seek support for your own healing and to support your kids.
Take a Neutral Approach to Food
Be careful not to link food and appearance.
Food is not for manipulating how we look. It’s for nourishment, joy, connection.
Don’t ever shame a child for eating “too much” or telling them they’ll “get too big.” Don’t restrict a child’s food or tell them they need to “lose weight.”
Offer a variety of nourishing and satisfying foods consistently throughout the day and make family mealtimes a priority.
If you’re feeling confusion or resistance here, I strongly recommend working with a registered dietitian who specializes in this area in order to come up with a plan that helps your child cultivate a healthy relationship with food and body.
You might also consider the books How to Raise an Intuitive Eater and A Parent’s Guide to Intuitive Eating.
Give Non-Appearance Praise
Show kids that you value them for more than how they look. Tell them why you are proud of them. Be specific. Go beyond acknowledging accomplishments.
Consider the values you’re instilling in them and how you can highlight their creativity, self-awareness, compassion, determination, patience, etc.
And do the same for others (and yourself), too! Kids are always listening.
Model a Healthy Relationship with Media
The media, in all its forms (social media, TV, news, movies, magazines, music and so on) has a huge influence on our body image.
Depending on the age of your kids, you may be in control of the content they consume. Consider what they’re seeing and what that’s communicating to them about bodies, beauty, sexuality, gender norms, etc.
It’s also helpful to model your own healthy boundaries with media as well as a critical analysis of it. For example, you might turn off something that is misogynistic or objectifying and explain why you did so.
You may decide to talk with your kids about how bodies are portrayed in the media and the messages that sends. You might ask your kids what they’re seeing and hearing, and what they’re thinking and feeling about bodies and appearance.
You might even have a discussion about body modifications, photo and video editing and enhancing, and how many of the bodies we see in the media aren’t actually real.
Consider doing an audit of the accounts you follow on social media. What messages are they sending about bodies? How do they make you feel about yourself? Are they promoting a celebration of diversity and body kindness, or are they selling the pursuit of weight loss and a very narrow definition of beauty?
If your kids have their own social media accounts, those are great topics to discuss with them as well.
Teach Kids that It’s Normal for Bodies to Change
Don’t save “the bodies changing conversation” just for puberty. This is an important topic that should be repeated. Help kids understand the fact that bodies change. In childhood, in puberty, in adolescence, in adulthood, in older adulthood — it’s normal for bodies to change.
We cannot expect our bodies to remain the same, nor should they.
Use age-appropriate ways to communicate this to kids and hold space for their questions, concerns and feelings.
It’s common to be uncomfortable with change. What’s important is meeting that discomfort with self-compassion.
Be Honest About Your Body Story
It can be beneficial to open up to your kids, in age-appropriate ways, about your own journey with body image and what you wish for them.
This teaches kids that it’s OK not to love their bodies all the time and that self-compassion in the midst of self-criticism is imperative for a healthy relationship with one’s body.
Let them know that it’s normal to have all sorts of feelings about their body.
Show them that you are there for them.
Show them that healing is possible.
Do you need support in your food and body image healing? We specialize in a weight-inclusive, anti-diet approach and see clients in select states. Learn more about our approach and our services.
Taylor Wolfram, MS, RDN, LDN, is the owner of Taylor Wolfram LLC, a weight-inclusive nutrition therapy practice. She specializes in plant-based nutrition and created the Anti-Diet Vegan Nutrition Online Course. She is a Certified Befriending Your Body Teacher, and received a BS in Nutrition from Case Western Reserve University and an MS in Family & Consumer Sciences with an emphasis in Food, Nutrition and Dietetics from Illinois State University. When she’s not working she enjoys eating delicious vegan food, walking to the park with her daughter, snuggling with her rescue cats, reading library books and practicing yoga.
