Transcript Episode 17 - Exploring Parental Feeding Styles and Their Impact on Children’s Eating Habits

Karla Moreno-Bryce: Hey there! I’m so glad you’ve come to join me on this episode. I know it’s been awhile since my last episode and for good reason. Over the Summer Camila, my oldest daughter, was off from school for three whole months. And if you’re a parent to multiple kids where they don’t go to school or camps or daycare during these months, your day-to-day is spent primarily being with and caring for your kids. 

Now, I’m not complaining in any way. I’m glad we had this time with Camila and having that time with her relates to today’s episode but as an ambitious business owner myself, I genuinely like to work. I enjoy working on creating content like podcast episodes for you or testing out new recipes so that I can share them with you on the blog or just reading new and emerging research about vegan kids. But having Camila and my 1 year old daughter at home, plus traveling to see family, I needed to pause work so that I could focus on my family. And I thank you for your patience with that. 

Alright, which now brings me to today’s topic. And what I’d like to share with you is a personal story about Camila’s overall eating habits over the past year while she was in preschool. And how different feeding practices can impact a child’s eating and food acceptance. 

So, in today’s episode, you’ll not only hear about the challenges I experienced with Camila at meal times but also share with you how you can foster healthful eating habits for your vegan child without the need to pressure them to eat food. And as well as the outcomes of your child's eating behaviors based on these certain feeding practices. 

My goal with sharing with you my personal experiences with Camila’s eating habits and the challenges she herself faced, in addition to what you can do at home, is to ensure that how you approach meal times with your vegan kids at home supports their growth through healthful eating habits. Not just during childhood but throughout adulthood as well. 

A part of me feels very vulnerable exposing such a personal story with you but at the same time I want to bring awareness of how authoritarian feeding—or parenting for that matter—really impacts a child’s nutritional intake and quality of life. 

This is a topic that is so dear to my heart as a vegan pediatric registered dietitian because at the core of what I believe in is having more compassion for children and truly seeing them for the human they are, whether they are 2 days old or 16 years old. They deserve respect; they deserve to be understood; they deserve to be acknowledged. And we can demonstrate this through our way of feeding, not just through words or our own behavior. 

Okay, so now that I got this out of the way I’d like to start off by sharing a bit of my feeding approach at home and how when Camila started a new school her behavior around food changed significantly. 

Let’s start by first looking at the difference between parenting feeding styles. There are generally four parental feeding styles and these are: authoritarian, authoritative, indulgent, and neglectful. 

Authoritarian which is more commonly known as the controlling feeding style. This is where parents really lead a child’s food intake like saying no dessert until you finish your food or take one more bite. The parent is the one that controls much of what the child eats. 

The second style is authoritative. This is where you as the parent allow your child to take the lead in their own eating but still have boundaries where applicable. It’s really about allowing and showing trust that your child can regulate their own intake. It’s also known as the Division of Responsibility which is a feeding practice I share more about inside the Vegan Kids Nutrition Blueprint course.

The third feeding style is indulgent where as a parent you’re more loose around rules and practices that involve food or meals. For example, if your child wants a cookie and you keep saying no to them. But the more and more you say no, the more vocal they are and begin to throw a tantrum. So you give up and finally say yes to them, fine have a cookie. Children who grow up under an indulgent feeding style throughout their childhood have a more difficult time regulating their food intake later on in life. 

And the last feeding style is neglectful. This one is not commonly seen but it is out there. It’s when a child grows up in a home where there’s hardly any plans around meals or where food is very limited in the home. More often than not, a child grows up feeling preoccupied around food or feeling anxious about whether the food they’ll have will be enough when they do end up having a meal. 

Your feeding style is determined by your attitudes around food, your perceived notion of what meal times should be, and your overall philosophy when it comes to feeding your vegan family. Sometimes, we may fall into the same feeding style we grew up in, simply because that’s all we know. Or that’s what we believe is tthe “right” way. And other times, we change the course for our children because we know more about how feeding our children can impact their eating habits and overall growth. 

And no matter which feeding style you fall into, please know that there’s no judgment here. We are all learning together and can support one another to help our kids thrive. 

I wanted to briefly share the different types of parental feeding style because they will be important in knowing when I share my experience with Camila. 

At home, ever since Camila began solid foods at 6 months of age, I followed an authoritative feeding style. Meaning I allow and give autonomy to Camila at both meals and snacks as to how much she wants to eat and what foods she’d like to eat from what I chose to serve.

There are always boundaries to some extent. For example as she got older and was able to communicate more, she would request for something else other than what was on the menu for that particular meal or snack.And for the most part, this is normal for kids to request during their development. They’re always trying to test boundaries to see what’s acceptable and what’s not but rarely did she throw any tantrums or express really strong feelings when I set a boundary. 

Majority of the time I would tell her “I know how much you enjoy cookies but it’s not on the menu today. Would you like to have it tomorrow for lunch or afternoon snack?”. And this is sort of my template for setting my boundary but still giving her some autonomy by choosing when she’d like to have that particular food. Again, she’s been okay with this response.  

Until, she began her preschool year at a new school. Her food choices just became more challenging to handle. 

Camila began her preschool year at a new school Summer of 2022. Luke and I thought it would be best to move her to a smaller school for various reasons. When we toured the school and asked way too many questions prior to making our decision, we came to the conclusion that this would be a good environment for Camila. And just to clarify this was not a public school but rather a private Montessori school. 

However, after just a few weeks of her being in that school, we realized that perhaps we may have made a mistake in choosing that school. 

And we first noticed this when I picked up Camila from school and her teacher told me they were entering the lesson of what she should eat at meal times. Just to give you some context here, the small group of students all sat in one table along with the teacher and they were instructed to eat the “healthy food” first and most of the time this was the vegetable, then they were instructed to eat the protein, and last was the fruit or treat if that was given. 

I spoke with her teacher about how this was a very different approach than what we follow at home and perhaps it may have confused Camila. I shared that we allow her to eat howeverever much she’d like and chose what she wants to eat in no particular order. Where there’s also no expectation for her to eat any one food or all her food. 

Her teacher seemed very collaborative and expressed how our relationship should be mutual, which I very much appreciated. And I have to say I always liked that characteristic from her teacher. She was willing to work with us to find what was in the best interest of Camila. 

So, I thought things were going well at school after speaking with her teacher. Until one day Camila came home and shared that her teacher said she’d have to eat her “healthy food” first. I felt a bit discouraged to be honest but I also never knew if it was directed to her or if it was something Camila just kept hearing from her peers. 

I began to notice that these comments were affecting Camila more and more. It started at home with her feeling very strongly about certain foods. For example, everytime I would have any sort of legume like lentils or beans on the menu, she would practically beg to have something else. . And she would be crying out loud saying she wanted something else to eat by opening the fridge. I had so much compassion for her during these moments because I could tell something much deeper than what was on the dining table was bothering her. I just didn’t know what that was. And handling these moments wasn’t a very pleasant experience. It was hard! 

Her acceptance of food began to also decline as the year went on. There were meals where it was frustrating she wasn’t accepting foods she normally would like. Like oranges, this was a fruit she gladly accepted any time of the day but throughout her time at preschool, she didn’t want anything to do with them. And she refused to have them in her lunch box. Sometimes I would send them and she would reply “But I’m not going to eat them”. Ugh, and there went my frustration. But I had to try so hard to keep my thoughts to myself because I knew that if I were to say anything that demonstrated any sort of pressure for her to try and eat the oranges, it would only make her eating behavior worse. So, my response was always like “That’s okay. It’s your choice”. 

And then her feeding challenges moved to her only accepting five things to take for lunch. I would literally pack the same five things every single week because that’s all she would accept. I began to notice she had anxiety around food and it was escalating. And the reason why was because she was so preoccupied with what her teacher might say or comment about a particular food or about her eating. And I could understand why, Camila just didn’t want to bring attention to herself. 

She didn’t want to be told how to eat or what to eat. I’m sure being in that environment for any one of us would not be a pleasant experience. And the last thing we would actually want to do is eat, to avoid being told anything at all cost. 

I mean, imagine you go to a restaurant and they serve you a meal—one you didn't order but that's what was on the menu—and they tell you to eat the side of steamed eggplant because it’s the healthiest item. Then once you finish the eggplant they’ll bring you curried lentils and once you finish that they can bring you some baked apples. Well, I don't want to eat it that way and I imagine you wouldn’t want that either. No one really wants to be told how to eat or in what order to eat their food. 

I want my food mixed together because that's what sounds more appealing to me. And maybe I don’t want to finish the meal. I want to take home any leftovers I didn't eat. And I don’t want a lecture about how certain foods are healthier for me. How would that whole experience feel to you? I'm sure neither you or that would ever desire that. 

This is a similar feeling a child experiences when we tell them to take a bite of their carrots before they’re allowed to come down from their chair or to try their vegetables first before eating anything else on their plate or to finish their food before coming down from their seat. 

This is part of how authoritarian feeding can play. Where a child isn’t allowed to eat in the way they choose to eat; in a way that sounds and feels good to them. Children can sense our own agenda about their own eating and when they do, they begin to avoid more and more foods simply because they want to be in control of their own bodies; of their own feeding. And the more authoritarian feeding is experienced, the more nutritional and health impacts a child can have. 

This message is not helpful for kids. It's what leads them to want more control of their food and become extremely picky eaters. It's what leads to mealtime battles. It's what may cause stress for everyone in the family. It's what leads them to have a poor relationship with food if this approach to feeding is followed long term. 

And I'm not just saying that because of my experience with my daughter. It's really impacted how she eats at home and her overall nutrition. And while things have gotten a lot better now, which I’ll share a little bit about how we changed that, I didn’t like it. 

There is data that practicing an authoritarian feeding style may lead a child’s eating habits to worsen, have lower nutritional quality, and poor weight status. And in the long term, having more difficulty learning how to regulate their own intake. 

In fact, research shows that the preschool years, which in many studies it’s defined between the ages of three to six years, is a critical period not just for growth and development but also a time where preschoolers form their eating behaviors. 

Research shows that preschool age is a time where kids have the opportunity to adopt healthy eating behaviors and preferences that are likely to continue through both childhood and adulthood. So, it’s a critical time for their development when it comes to making sure they’re getting proper nutrition but it’s also a critical developmental period to help foster healthful eating behaviors so they can have a healthy relationship with food. 

So, what are some things that you can do at home to help your child form healthy eating habits? 

Number one is that I encourage you to take a more democratic feeding style, also known as authoritative, as this helps foster more positive eating behaviors in kids since they’re given more autonomy of their eating. Taking on this type of parental feeding style has been associated with higher dietary quality when it comes to a child’s food choices and intake. 

Number two is to practice being responsive to your child at meal times. What this looks like is recognizing when they’re hungry or when they’re ready to come down from their high chair or seat—especially before your vegan child can communicate this with you. Knowing when they’ve had enough or have felt satisfied with the amount of food they’ve chosen to eat, allows you to be aware of what their usual intake looks like, which then helps you feel more confident they’re getting the nutrition they need to grow. 

Number three is to trust your child at meal times. This is done by allowing your child to take the lead of their own appetite with the amount they choose to eat and with the actual food they choose to want to eat. There’s evidence that when a child is trusted with their own eating, they’re more likely to learn how to self-regulate their intake. 

Number four, have and be confident with your boundaries around food and meal times. I’m not perfect in this area and it’s something I know I can always do better in but when you are confident in the boundaries you set around eating or meals in general, your child will test those boundaries, but they seek that leadership from you. And having these boundaries allows your child to not only know what’s acceptable and what’s not but also develop healthier eating habits that they can carry with them through adulthood. 

These are a few of the characteristics of a parent practicing authoritative feeding style. It’s the type of style that I’ve been following with both of my girls since they started solids and it’s the type of style I continued to use at home even with Camila experiencing some eating challenges while at her formal school because I know the positive impact it has on their eating habits, nutritional intake, and ultimately supporting their growth. 

Now, you may be wondering why we didn’t remove her from that school. And it was something we thought about but for various reasons, we chose to not move her because this would cause a lot more stress and dysregulation. And it just didn’t make sense to move her mid-way knowing she would be starting her kindergarten year at a new school, in a new environment, with new peers. 

Even though she avoided certain foods or rejected many of them or simply refused to try anything, I kept my course on this feeding style because I know the impact I could have on her eating behaviors long-term. 

And what we did was sort of take a “reset” during the Summer of 2023 for the 3 months that she didn’t have school. I did the same thing I always did: serve the meal, let her choose what she wanted to eat and how much, and allowed her to eat at her own pace. If she didn’t want the meal, then that was okay. She didn’t have to eat it. I always tell my girls “When you’re ready” or “I trust you’ll try it when you’re ready”. I also tried to invite her to the kitchen to help me prep so that she was exposed to a variety of foods. I served a variety of foods even if I knew she wasn’t going to eat it. And I never pressured to eat anything, brought attention to how she was eating, or even asked her just try a food. I share more similar strategies in more detail in Episode 12 of the Vegan Kids Nutrition Podcast if you want to hear more about what this looks like. I’ll leave the link to Episode 12  in the show notes. 

A big part of what we did was to try and make meal times less about the food and more about just having a meal together. So, this meant not bringing attention to a food or even telling her what was on her plate. Just sort of took a neutral approach to our meals. 

Sometimes I would incorporate food play, which is something new that I’ve done. So an example was if I served broccoli then I would ask her “Which piece of broccoli is taller, your piece of mine?” And she would always try to make hers taller by standing on her chair and extending her arm to the ceiling. And sometimes she would take a bite. Food play always takes the pressure off for a child from having to eat that particular food. 

The more relaxed you make meals for your child and the less pressure they sense around them having to eat or try a food, you’ll see that they will try it when they're ready. And in doing so, you’ll be helping them create healthy eating habits that they’ll carry for life. It’s a wonderful thing. Even though I know the day-to-day meal times can sometimes be a challenge. 

So, Camila is eating a whole lot better now that she’s no longer in that feeding environment. She’s a lot more adventurous with her food. For what seemed like forever, she always refused beans and just recently since about 1 month or so, she accepts them. The other day I made bean burritos and I told her what I was going to put in her burrito and she was okay with having beans. And she ate it. 

I’m surprised but really proud of Camila for coming around. She’s more accepting of mixed foods and very rarely says she doesn’t want to eat what I’ve made. Occasionally she’ll say she wants something else but it’s very rare now. I don’t see extreme behaviors or even anxiety around food anymore. Which makes me happy. And I think it really stems from me not pressuring her, or bringing attention to what she didn’t eat, or even making any sort of comments. I really allowed her to take the lead in her own eating. And things have been a lot better now. As I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, this approach to feeding is something I’m really passionate about and care about because it brings more benefits to the child and to you as well. And it’s why I’ve chosen to include it inside the Vegan Kids Nutrition Blueprint course to really give you a more complete teaching of feeding your vegan kids. 

Now, I realize that this is only my own personal story and this approach may not be applicable for all children with eating challenges or other food aversions but there’s evidence showing that a child’s eating habits is formed early in their childhood between the ages of three and six years old. And we as vegan parents play a pivotal role in helping them foster healthful eating habits as they spend the majority of their eating environment with us. 

Alright, so just to recap our time here, there are four feeding practices that are recognized and these are authoritarian which is being more in control of a child’s eating, authoritative which is allowing the child to have more autonomy of their eating within selected boundaries, indulgent which is a parent having very loose rules around eating or structure in the home, and neglectful which there’s no plans around meals and the child learns to become preoccupied about when they’ll have food.  

You can raise your vegan child with healthful eating habits by taking a more democratic feeding style where you give your vegan child more autonomy in their eating. You can practice being more responsive at meal times, trusting your child of their own appetite, and staying true to your boundaries around food and meal times. Following through with these four characteristics will help support healthful eating habits for your child and really just have a more pleasant experience eating. 

I believe in you and if you’d like more support I welcome you to join me inside the Vegan Kids Nutrition Blueprint where you’ll learn how to create a positive feeding environment for your vegan child, you’ll have prompts on what to say when they don’t want to eat something, and have clarity on what to do if they avoid or reject a food. There is also a members-only private community so you can ask questions if you get stuck along your journey or simply need support from other vegan parents who have gone through similar experiences. If you’re ready, grab the link in the show notes and I’ll see you there. 

I hope that this episode helps you better understand how your parental feeding style can truly make a difference in your child’s eating habits. It’s not so much about how to “get” your child to eat a food just to meet certain nutritional needs, it’s about fostering positive eating habits that they will get to carry throughout their life. I’ll talk to you in the next episode. Bye for now.