Transcript Episode 4: How to Turn Negative Comments into the Lifestyle You Can Feel Proud of

Karla Moreno-Bryce: Have you ever been criticized for choosing to raise your child on a vegan diet? 

Ever been targeted as a “bad” parent for feeding your child in an eating pattern that is yet to be accepted as adequate to support a child’s growth? 

If you have, then let me first say that I am truly sorry you have had to go through that. Being bullied, shamed, or ridiculed in such a way that makes you feel awful of your choice is not something that any parent, vegan or not, deserves. For the past two years, this is something that I have personally gone through on social media. And while it is never a good feeling, I continue to voice my values and beliefs so that our mission for raising our children on a vegan diet is accepted. And this is what actually inspired me to do this episode because more than anything, I want you to feel confident and proud of being a vegan parent. And in today’s episode, I’m going to share with you some talking points about how you can turn these negative experiences or comments into the lifestyle you can be proud of. 

Now, before I do that, I want to ask you a question. And I really want you to think about this. Okay, now close your eyes—well maybe not if you're chopping veggies or driving at this very moment, but if you're not doing that, then I invite you close your eyes. I want you to clearly visualize your life when raising children on a vegan diet is accepted by all. A life where you no longer have to worry about what others say. One where you can live comfortably without ever feeling shamed or judged for choosing to raise your children on a diet that aligns with your values. What does that look like? How are you feeling? And most importantly, how are you dedicating your passion for veganism with your family?

I’m going to guess here and say that it’s a life we all want to time travel there right this very moment. I can say that because I know that feeling too well—from being questioned from my immediate family about my own choice in raising my daughter on a vegan diet. Hearing negative comments and feeling pressured to fall under an eating pattern that our society has normalized; has made it to be the “right” or correct way of eating. These comments certainly didn’t make me feel good. They have brought more doubt in my choice than anything else I’ve ever second guessed. Why? Because I didn’t want to feel left out. I didn’t want to feel segregated into a group that is believed to be harmful. 

And if this resonates with you in any way, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Many of us have or are experiencing this right this very minute. But I also want you to know that, the life you envisioned at the beginning of this episode, is one that is attainable. It’s a life that you can have and feel proud of as well. 

I’m going to share with you how you can turn those negative comments you are told or that feeling of being pressured into not raising your children on a vegan diet into something that no longer affects you so that you can feel proud of the lifestyle you have chosen to adopt. 

Now, this is taken from my own personal experience. And I want to be honest that this end goal or transformation doesn’t happen overnight. It’s something that took me time and a lot of experience to go through to eventually become the confident vegan parent I am today. But, I’m confident that when you put this in place in your own life and experiences, you will feel confident as well. And I want nothing more than that for you. 

Alright, the first tip I have for you is to listen. I know that sounds a little counterintuitive when someone is making you feel hurt or angry but I encourage you to listen to them. Many times I hear from vegan parents that the negative comments that are told to them come from a place of ignorance. From a place where that individual simply lacks the understanding or knowledge of how a vegan diet can support a child’s growth. And while you may be right about them not having the appropriate knowledge around a vegan diet for kids, the more you listen to what they have to say the more you realize that it’s not always about ignorance. 

Sometimes it's simply based on their own personal and cultural beliefs. For example, someone who faithfully follows a religion where eating animal-based foods exist within that religion or cultural background. But if you ask me and if you truly listen to what they are saying, I think the reason others openly give us negative comments with such conviction is because they’re genuinely curious. They’re curious about how a vegan diet can support a child’s growth and development. They’re curious about how we actually feed our kids in such a way to see them thrive in this eating pattern. They’re curious about the validity of this lifestyle. But because they don’t often want to admit that desiring knowledge, they remain in what feels comfortable to them—and that is to eat animals. So, the next time someone says a negative comment to you, instead of reacting to what they said by being angry and trying to justify your choice, I want you to listen to what they have to say. And then I want you to tune it out, almost like you have a soft padding on you and these hurtful words are just bouncing off of that. It sounds a little strange I know, but when you listen to what they’re saying and you let that energy sort of bounce off you, you won’t give into these comments that are not doing any service to you. 

The second tip is to acknowledge their comment. For some of us, hearing negative comments leaves us feeling scolded and shuts us down and for some of us it increases our heart rate and makes us immediately react by trying to justify our choice. Sound familiar? It’s tempting not to react when our body is trying to tell us that something isn’t right here. It’s also tempting to try and convince the other person that feeding your kids a vegan diet is perfectly healthy and okay. But as soon as you listen to what they have to say, I encourage you to acknowledge them. 

I’ll give you an example here of a vegan parent who experienced extreme shame from her infant’s pediatrician. During an appointment, this vegan parent felt scolded and almost brought her to tears after the pediatrician told her she was doing a terrible thing for her infant. I have complete empathy for this parent because she did not deserve to go through that experience. I find it unethical for a pediatrician or healthcare provider to not support a parent’s choice on how they want to raise their child. But rather than finding the best resource and support for that parent, their initial reaction was to shame this amazing parent who was simply seeking medical support from a provider she felt she needed to trust. Anyway, I know I’m getting into a tangent here but it’s these examples that leave us feel so much doubt of our choice and not sure how to respond at times. 

So, if you come across a similar experience, I encourage you to acknowledge your pediatricians concerns. For some healthcare providers, they discredit and disrespect a family’s dietary pattern most likely because they know nothing about the diet. And so, they fall back to what they’re comfortable with; to what they know; to how they were trained. So, that’s something that you can keep in mind if you’re experiencing something like that. And you can say something along the lines of “I appreciate your concern about my child’s health and well-being. It’s something I value as well”. At the moment, it may be hard to collect your emotions to come to a calm state but I know that the more you practice, the more confident you will feel at voicing your values and the more confident you’ll feel for choosing to feed your kids a vegan diet. Because I know that the more you tune out other people’s comments by staying true to your values, the less nervous you’ll feel when it comes to facing these experiences. And the less nervous you feel, the more confident you’ll feel about voicing your choice for raising your family on a vegan diet. 

Okay, now moving on to the third tip and that’s to address the concern that the individual is bringing up. So, for example, if they brought up that your child should be consuming dairy because they can’t meet their calcium or fat requirements from plant foods, you can address that by sharing that you have researched on your own to ensure you meet your child’s nutritional needs—if that’s true of course. If you haven’t, then say you will speak to someone who is knowledgeable about a vegan diet for children so that you ensure meeting your child’s nutrition requirements. So, going back to others saying that your child needs dairy for calcium, you can reply with something along the lines of “I appreciate your concern about my child meeting their calcium needs. It’s something I value as well as I know how important it is for building strong bones and teeth. I offer a variety of plant foods like tofu and tahini so that my daughter meets her calcium requirements”. 

And now for the fourth and final tip for today, it’s to remember your why. Always remember the reason that led you to want to choose to raise your children on a vegan diet. I want you to have that reason clear because having those strong and truthful whys is going to help you so much on this feeding journey. It’s going to help you stay connected to what you believe in no matter what experience you come across, no matter that little doubt in the back of your mind making you feel unsure if you’re doing things right, and no matter what others say about veganism. 

This is what we believe in and it doesn’t make us any less of a parent. If anything, it makes us incredible parents for having the courage to go against an eating pattern that is not accepted by society. It makes us incredible parents for raising the next generation of compassionate kids. And it makes us amazing parents for advocating for better treatment for animals, for health of our own and that of our planet earth. We are making an impact and that in itself is something to be proud of. 

Alright, so let’s recap these four talking points. The first is to really listen and allow the individual to be heard. Then, acknowledge their concern. Remember you don’t need to justify your values or how a vegan diet is adequate, just something that lets the other person understand how this concern is important to you as well. After that, address their concern to let them know that you have your child’s health under control by doing your own research or working with someone who specializes in vegan nutrition. And the last and fourth step is to remember your why. Because when you have this reason clear, front and center, it’s going to help you transform these negative comments or experiences into instances where you are no longer afraid to speak up for what you believe in. 

Now, if you don’t feel comfortable speaking up about your choice, that’s okay. I fully respect that because I know it can take a lot of courage and strength to be able to voice your values and advocate for your family. But if there’s anything that I desire for you is to feel proud and confident about representing a lifestyle that you are passionate about. A lifestyle that is all yours and one that you can absolutely help your kids thrive in. 

If you’re looking for a way where you can do just that, grab my Vegan Kids Cookbook. It’s a digital cookbook designed to give you simple recipes and meal ideas that are tailored to meet your child’s nutritional needs while following a vegan diet. It also comes with a 3-day meal plan for each stage of growth—one for infancy, toddlerhood, and childhood—so that you can feel confident as a vegan parent supporting a proper growth and development. You can grab a copy of the Vegan Kids Cookbook in this episode’s show notes. 

Alright my friends, thank you so much for tuning in today. And just to give you a little extra boost of confidence, I believe in you and I cannot wait to see the life you create with your vegan family. I’ll see you in the next episode. Bye for now.